For a
little more than a week, I´ve been trying to understand and find the perfect
way to write about this. The last time I wrote was more than a year ago, and is
not that anything has happened since then, but I just stop writing, and somehow,
I stop trusting…and the magic went away.
I think I
had developed a charming way to see life, to enjoy it and to find everything
beautiful while traveling. I used to love
every smile of every child I found on the streets and had an easiness to share
a small conversation with them just to get another of those beautiful smiles. I
used to love to spend my time just watching the waves crushing on the shore or
watching the rain while waiting for the next thunder. The beauty of small
moments, the simple transient free gifts of life; that was what I treasured:
the trusting, the enjoying, the thanking and the letting go. And now, having a “normal”
life, it seems like the magic went away. Now it seems like I´m always on a rush
and that I don´t get anywhere, it seems like I need more and it´s never enough.
Last week I
got a package, one of the nicest surprises I´ve gotten. Since the beginning,
the surprise had something special. I enjoy believing that everything has a
meaning and nothing happens just by chance.
And this surprise reached me even if the address on the package was
wrong, so that should mean something. When I opened the package, there was a
nice gift, wrapped in navy blue paper and with a yellow ribbon. It had a small
card with two lines: “I´m sure you can change the world. I hope you are as
well.” No name, no sender, no signature. Nothing. I loved the thrill of it. I
opened the gift and found a book: LIGHTING THE WORLD. It was the perfect gift: I
love surprises, I´m crazy about rural electrification and I adore to read. I
felt like trusting again, like the magic was back, like something special was
just happening. I started to imagine, who could have sent me that awesome gift:
maybe the cute guy I met the week before, maybe my ex-boyfriend trying to be
nice, maybe a secret admirer who knows me well, maybe my blue prince. And the
ideas went on and on. Suddenly, I found an envelope inside the package with a
note from Amazon giving me the chance to send a thank-you note. When I got into
the webpage to send the thank-you note, I discovered who send the package and I
got mad. The sender was none of the guys
I´ve pictured in my mind. It was one of the nicest surprises I´ve ever gotten, but
not from the guy I wanted it, and that made me mad. That ruin the surprise.
After
re-thinking it, I realized how ungrateful I was. It didn´t matter who had sent
it, the surprise was amazing! And the fact that someone I´ve met once in my
life can know me that well and take the time to send the gift made me feel
special. It was dumb from me to be mad because the surprise wasn´t exactly as I
wanted it; that´s how surprises are supposed to be: they are unexpected! That´s
just how life is, is not as you expect it and that makes it worth living!
Besides, it was just the message I needed at the moment: “I´m sure you can change
the world. I hope you are as well.” There was no accident, everything was just as
it was supposed to happen. I just needed to open my mind to see that the
surprise was more than a book, it was the opportunity to question myself. This
surprise made me think about all the surprises I get every day and I don´t cherish,
just because they are not wrapped in colorful paper or they are not the way I
expect them. It´s ironic, but if they were just as I want them, they would not
be surprises!
This
surprise made me realize I have to go slower and be more aware to find the
little gifts and details that are hidden everywhere. I want to trust that magic
is everywhere, again. I want to learn to
enjoy small moments, again. I want to be thankful for every unexpected
experience, again. I want to let go my illusion of control, again. I want to be
happy, again...Besides, this surprise made me write, again.
